I am so Fabulous I piss Glitter
by WhoNeedsMenWhenThereAreCats
Summary: My first fic be harsh but kind! T for swears Time with Leah Clearwater is time well wasted, shes ridiculous and harsh. She is just a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside a biatch. But at the end of the day she is the best thing that ever happened to me.
1. Chapter 1

I can't believe I am the one driving Emily to the hospital .

I mean its fucking ridiculous, me, Leah motherfucking Clearwater driving, Emily the girl who married my ex boyfriend to have the kid that I never can. Life isn't fair, I got over it a while ago.

This is one of those rare moments when I don't envy Emily. When she is screaming and doing all that deep breathing in the back seat of my car while I try to call Sam while trying to drive us to the hospitable and Jacobs looks like he is going to faint. Boys are idiots. And He is an Alpha, I mean REALLY?

Finally Sam picks up "Hello?"

"Hi Sam its Leah."

"Leah? Why are you calling me?"

"What suddenly ex girlfriends need an excuse to call you up and chat?"

"Uh..." Yep don't really envy her right now either...

"Anyway just thought you should know my cousin AKA your wife is about to have a child burst from her girly parts, so you know if you get the chance meet us at the hospital, thanks so much, bye."

"WAIT WHAT." And that is when I shut the phone.

"Only you would still be that sarcastic while I am giving birth." Said Emily who was laughing and panting at the same time, I am all but over it now its just, my trust you know i don't know if I can let her in again. I know I will never be able to trust a man again.

But as my new two new favourite quotes say " I may not have my groom yet but i have my bridesmaids." And "who needs men when you can have chocolate."

When we finally made it to the hospital Jake parked the car and I carried Emily ( yes carried I was saving time) into the hospital.

"Man Emily you've gained weight,"

"Oh hardy har har, Lee." She said rolling her eyes.

"EXCUSME I HAVE A PREGNANT LADY HERE!" I shouted in the middle of waiting room.

"Subtle." Was all she said as the carried her away into the delivery room.

I just sat down one of the nurses said she would call me when it was time. I just had myself settled when Sam burst into the waiting room shirtless without shoes on freaking out. Oh god.

"Sam," I said stepping in front of him

"WHERE IS SHE? WHERE IS EMILY!" well if he wanted to be like that

"I won't tell you until you calm the hell Down." I said crossing my arms in front of my chest.

He took a couple of deep breaths and then said "Please tell me where she is."

"Room 206," I said with a little smile "She is waiting for you."

"Thank you Lee-lee."

I let out a 'HMPH' "I told you never to call me that. NOW GO!"

It used to sting when he called me lee-lee after we broke up but there is nothing there anymore. Maybe me and Sam could finally be friends...Hah there is no way that guys a douche.

I guess I should call the Pack, they are all going to want to be here, and in half an hour we were all crammed into the waiting room, one of the nurses started eyeing Embry and I swear his imprint Sunny was about to go tear her head off. Ah got to love Sunny. Definitely my favourite wolf girl, she makes Paul look GENTLE. And Embry tried to calm her down she said "How would you like it if I flirted with anything with a skirt!" and she walked over and talked to a young handsome doctor, she was giggling and flipping her hair. And Embry was shaking really badly. And no you see why I love Sunny. You have to love the girl who puts Embry in his place and keeps him coming back begging for more.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

POV Sunny

Embry was so infuriating. I mean come on the blond nurse, what a cliché. And I had my revenge in sight.

"Hi, I am so sorry to bother you, but one of those big guys over there is my boyfriend and he was flirting with the blonde nurse. I am Sunny."

"Ah I see your predicament. Robert."

I smiled at him I like this guy. "Anyway so if I can just stand here and flirt for like two minutes that should do the trick."

"Sure as long as he doesn't try and beat me up, I mean he's fucking huge, and something tells me he is the jealous type."

"What gave it away?" I said with a little laugh

"He is trying to kill me with his mind right now." I let out a sincere giggle at this, and reached out and touched his elbow I knew that would set Embry off, and sure enough it did. Before I could blink Embry had Robert pinned up against the wall snarling at him.

"Embry calm down!" said crossing my arms

"He *snarl* touched *growl* you!"

"Sunny I thought we had a deal." Said Robert laughing a little

"Embry if you don't let go of him right now, your sleeping on the couch for a week AND you are not allowed to touch me for THREE DAYS." Embry quickly jumped from the doctor to in front of me on his knees.

"Sunny you wouldn't do that to me right, Come on babe I am sorry"


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

LEAH

I had been watching this whole thing before I burst out laughing, I walked over gave Embry a Pat on the back.

"You are SOOO freaking WIPED, its sad really."

"I am NOT whipped."

"totally whipped." Chimed in Jacob from where he was sitting with a full grown Nessie on his lap.

"You are going to call ME whipped?" Embry said to Jacob.

"He has a point there." Said Nessies sing song voice

"Hey your suppose to be on my side!`` said Jacob pushing her off his lap without actually hurting her.

"OW!" she said clearly faking pain, but jake bought it

"OH MY GOD ARE YOU OKAY! I CAN"T BELIEVE I DID THAT I AM SO SORRY I UNDERSTAND IF YOU NEVER WANT TO SEE ME AGIAN! OH GOD I AM SO SORRY! SOMEONE GET A DOCTOR!"

And by now Nessie was laughing

"whipped." I said laughing a little when i turned around and saw the doctor sunny was chatting with.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four

After three successful days of completely avoiding everyone, Jacob successfully caught up with me at the Dairy mart, apparently getting rainbow ice cream for his blood sucker.

Stupid Nessie, WHY CAN'T SHE STICK WITH BLOOD?

"You can't avoid everyone just because we are all going to make you go see that doctor guy." He said while we waited in line.

"PFFT, I am not avoiding anyone I just happen to like dairy!" I huffed indignantly.

"Aren't you lactose intolerant..." he said smirking, eyes glinting with amusment.

"Doesn't mean I can't enjoy being around dairy!"I said Angrily "Dairy products just happen to have a lovely scent!"

"...I feel bad for your imp-"he started before I cut cut him off.

"JACOB IS THAT NESSIE WITH A PAPER CUT"I said, quickly trying to distract me from saying _that word._

"WHAT WHERE!" he said looking in all directions before realizing Nessie was not in the Dairy mart.

"Fine, but you should at least go see your godchild." He said. Way to go all Oprah on me Jake.

"I don't know why I have too, we could just be like reunited in ten years, I could be his/her long lost godmother that after years of searching are reunited, after some natural disaster that wipes out all he/she's friends and family leaving he/she with nothing but the new found love of his godmother who is currently living in a cozy-"

"You imagination really gets away from you doesn't it?" He interrupted me.

I gave him a pointed angry look when he finally was able to pay for Nessie's rainbow chocolate chip ice cream.

"You ready to go?" He asked while attempting to lead me to the door and failing. He just huffed before hauling me over his shoulder so I was left staring at his butt.

"Have you gained weight?" He asked while walking me to his car as I attempted to kick him in the nuts.

"No, but your thighs are a little chunky, maybe you should lay of the dairy products." I retorted.


End file.
